What Does It Cost You To Be Out Of Integrity?

“A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity.”

-Baltasar Gracián

I believe this quote really gets to the heart of integrity. You can set the best intentions, yet if one part is out of alignment with your truth -- large or small -- it can color your whole experience.

There’s one telltale sign of being out of integrity and that is things simply feel off. It may be obvious: you said you would do something and you don’t follow through. And then there are other situations where it may not be so immediately apparent.

I was working with a client last week who found herself in this exact kind of situation. I can’t give you the details for purposes of client confidentiality, but in general terms, I’ll describe what she experienced.

My client -- we’ll call her Jane -- was trying to offer something really nice to a friend and her daughter. Something this friend would not normally be able to afford. And initially, it felt very much in alignment for her. In the midst of making this good deed happen, Jane noticed that something felt off. At first, she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong, but during our coaching session, it became clear.

The truth was that Jane was trying to do something generous, and still a big piece of it was out of alignment. What Jane uncovered was that she wasn’t really doing this thing for her friend to be nice, she was truly doing it to serve herself and her own ego. She created a whole story about why she was doing this “thing” to benefit her friend and her friend’s daughter. She was telling herself...

“They wouldn’t be able to afford this on their own.”

“They’ll never get to experience this if I don’t do it for them.”

It was all about Jane’s vision of what life should be like for her friend. And to top it all off, she had to lie to get her friend to accept the help.

When we talked about how it felt to be out of integrity, Jane described the feeling as being wrapped in a disgusting warm blanket. It felt really bad and at the same time, she realized it was a very familiar and comfortable feeling to her. It was the discomfort of being fraudulent and inauthentic, even while attempting to create a positive experience for someone else. A really important feeling for Jane to be aware of.

What’s the Cost of Being Out of Integrity?

So let me ask you: what’s the price of this? In Jane’s case, there was the upside of doing a good deed that made it hard for her to get honest about what was really going on. Yet she couldn’t deny that gross “wet blanket” feeling she was experiencing.

The cost of being out of alignment with our truth is how we feel and what those negative feelings lead to in our lives.

Being out of integrity can feel different for each person. For me, it shows up as an icky feeling in my stomach. I feel uneasy. And I notice that I’m no longer present. Instead, I’m distracted and many times my monkey mind has completely taken over.

In my recent Fitness Integrity Challenge, I pledged to work out and share about it on social media every day for 30 days. For the most part, I kept to my commitment. And there were a few days where I didn’t work out or share what happened on Facebook.

Throughout those days, it popped into my head at least 30 times that I was not doing the thing I said I would do. And instead of just doing what I said I would do or at least sharing an honest video about what happened, I suffered through it. The cost for me was suffering and feeling really bad.

Over time if we’re not aware of how this is happening, it erodes our trust in ourselves.

Here’s a question I ask myself and my clients frequently: What is your relationship with yourself? At the very heart of things, this is usually what’s out of alignment. Our ability to tell the truth to ourselves. The reality is we damage our relationship with ourselves when we act out of integrity.

How Do We Know Our Integrity Is Intact?

It feels good. When we access our true selves things are easy, there’s flow. Pay attention to this feeling. This is your beacon. This is a sign you are in alignment with your deepest integrity.

Integrity is really an act of self-love and a way we can appreciate and care for ourselves. And like my client Jane’s experience, there are times where we may not spot where we’re out of alignment immediately.

The more we pay attention to how we feel, the easier it becomes to notice where we may be out of integrity. This is our chance to pause and realign with what’s real and true.