Are You Giving Your Power Away? (Here's What to Do About It)
There’s an interesting phenomenon that shows up in my coaching work. I’ve noticed that many of my clients tend to come to our sessions with similar themes. Clients who have no relationship to each other struggle with very similar things — all at the same time. I have no other way to explain it, other than it must be some mysterious universal force at work.
Recently the theme among my clients has been all about making decisions and taking actions that may at first seem like the right move, but when we looked closer, were really not the best decisions and were actually choices that would cost them something. In some cases, my clients were repeating old behaviors that simply do not serve them. And the overarching theme? All of them were giving their power away.
How Power Leaks Show Up In Our Lives
Whether small or large, these “power leaks” as I call them, can be extremely draining. Without going into the confidential details, here are a few examples of how this played out for my clients:
I recently had a client who created a situation where she had two competing commitments. Her integrity was out the window the minute she agreed to participate in these two commitments simultaneously. This was power leak number one.
Next, as we talked through the situation, my client quickly got caught up in the circumstances. Instead of taking a deeper look and being honest with herself about what was going on, she bought into the story she told herself, power leak number two.
And, here is where it gets juicy: as we strategized solutions, the one she settled on was to pay thousands of dollars to both professionals, creating a lose/lose for herself, power leak number three.
I was amazed and intrigued! To avoid having an honest and difficult conversation about a prior commitment that no longer was in her best interest, my client was willing to forgo thousands of dollars. And at the same time, continue a professional relationship that was out of integrity and not aligned with her truth.
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.
--Alice Walker
I saw this theme in other places too. Another client was struggling with the decision of whether or not to carry on in a relationship that she no longer wanted to be in. She admitted she didn’t want to end the relationship until she found the next one — a familiar relationship pattern for many people. When we looked at the possibility of ending the relationship and moving on, she recognized she was afraid of being alone. She also acknowledged that this fear had been draining her power for a long time.
Rather than be alone, she molded herself into a relationship she didn’t want. This relationship was creating all types of power leaks for her. Instead of taking time to care for herself, she chose to spend time with her boyfriend, which was not what she really wanted. She shared that her days were significantly better when she stuck to her morning routine and tended to her personal needs. When she spent time with her boyfriend, she let all of her needs go.
All of these choices were disempowering for my clients. The sneaky voice in their heads convinced them they were doing the right thing, yet really they were choosing the path of least resistance. For my clients, this looked like avoiding hard conversations, not facing their fear, putting others’ needs above their own, and believing old stories about themselves — and these are just a few examples.
You Deserve to Own Your Own Power
If you find yourself faced with a decision that you feel uneasy about, take a pause and ask yourself:
Why am I choosing this?
What am I saying no to when I choose this?
If I make this choice, what’s possible?
If I don’t do this and choose something else, what’s possible?
When do I ignore myself?
When do I choose others over myself?
Where and when do I sacrifice myself?
The key is to notice your pattern of giving your power away and then make the conscious choice to take it right back. Even in what may seem like the stickiest of situations, you can plug your power leaks. The truth is it will probably mean making the choice that is more difficult and scary and involves more risk. And, it’s these types of choices that will build your courage and trust in yourself. You deserve to own your own power, it’s your birthright!
Do you struggle with giving your power away? For many of us, it’s hard to see clearly where we sacrifice ourselves. If you would like some unbiased support with this, click here to sign up for a free Possibilities Conversation with me. We’ll spend 30 minutes together and talk about what’s going on in your life and where you can step forward and reclaim your power.